My First Lost

Bismilahirahmannirahim.

Dengan ini dimaklumkan, Hjh Fatimah Bt Dayan sudah kembali ke rahmatullah pada jam 5.09pm (waktu malaysia) pada 08/12/2016. 

This is my first lost and i never felt this way before. and I swear I dont know what to do. Masa ni ingat nak balik Malaysia je. I lost my word, all I can do was crying and thinking about Wan. Yes, aku paling rapat dengan wan. Masa tu tgh break hour and nak dekat start kelas around pukul 2.30 camtu and kelas start pukul 3 waktu India. That time I received mama’s call. Sumpah masa tu mamai and malas nak jawab vidcall and tak tahu kenapa ada something yang insist utk angkat call tuh.

And bila angkat mama tgh teresak2 cakap, “this may be wan last moment, dia nak cakap dengan kakak”. And I stoned. Muka wan masa tuh sakit sangat, sangkat menghadapi sakaratul maut. And I screened shot and aftermath I didn’t have any gut to pass the gallery of tht screen shots. And after cakap dgn wan sikit mama said she had to vidcall dedek pulak sebab takut tak sempat. And I said fine but indeed, 1 minit does enough for me to say any goodbye L. After that call had ended, I cried and anis terkejut masa tuh dia tgh tidur baru nak siap pergi kelas. And anis the one yang first tahu after syida dtg bilik. And so muka sembab gila, tak pergi kelas ptg tu cerita dia. Muka sebab sampai nak turun mess pun malu. Muka macam baru lepas kene tumbuk. I never cried that way infact I was known as a girl yang acah tabah tak nangis. And then I kalah. Well that proves me as a human being too.

Wan dah beberapa bulan dah tinggalkan aku. Wan nak sangat tengok aku jadi doctor. Boleh bagi ubat dekat dia. Tapi belum sempat pun benda tu berlaku wan dah pergi dulu.  What do you feel, when you are in perantauan and you come back home to salam and kiss your loved ones and suddenly you baru sedar your loved ones tuh dah tak de. Sad right? This is my first raya without wan. 

Semoga wan tenang dekat sana. Selamat Hari Raya Wan :’)